


For Science!

by Lycanthrope



Category: My Little Pony, Slash and Burn (Podcast)
Genre: Cartoon Physics, Creepy, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:16:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27063274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lycanthrope/pseuds/Lycanthrope
Summary: Kera and Steve answering the age old question. "How do ponies shower?"Part 3 of the Slash and Burn Gross journey though fanfiction
Relationships: Kera & Steve
Kudos: 4
Collections: Slash and Burns gross journey through fanfiction





	For Science!

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank VexedBeverage for Betaing this work
> 
> I would also like to thank the users of the Slash and Burn Discord server for the inspiration to finish this. 
> 
> written as a Gift to the Slash and Burn Podcast.

“Steve!” Kera announced letting herself into Steve’s home and looking around for her friend. 

Steve, in the spare bedroom scrambled to pile up the Magic the Gathering cards he had been going through. Trying to hide the cards behind the computer screen.

“Steve!” Kera shouted again sharply, beginning to climb the stairs when she got no answer. “Steve.” She shouted as she opened the door to the room. “Oh. There you are. We have important scientific research to conduct.”

“We do?” He asked. 

Kera nodded. “Yes. Where’s the FicJumper™?” 

“The FicJumper isn’t trademarked.” Steve reminded her turning to his desk drawers. “Why do we need it?” 

“How many times do I have to tell you to trademark it? Someone is going to come along and steal the idea.” Kera said. “Then they’ll be gazillionaires and we’ll just be here. Broke, and alone” 

“We’re both married.” He pointed out pulling out the huge watch and began fastening it around his wrist. “And only yesterday you complained that your child wouldn’t even give you five minuets to pee on your own.”

She had her hand to her chest and was looking off into the corner of the room with a wistful look on her face. “Can’t you just let me have this drama?” 

“This drama that you just made up for the sake of drama?” He asked. 

Kera nodded. “Uh-huh.” 

“No.” He said pointedly. “We can’t trademark something when we have no idea how it works.” He looked down at the display. “Where are we going? And what is this oh so important scientific research we need to do that's disrupting me doing all sorts of er–, adult things like… taxes.” 

“Building a deck specifically to beat Chris’ Hazezon Tamar is not adult, Steve.” Kera said, rolling her eyes and pulling out her phone to show him what she had found. “And we need to go to this My Little Pony fic.” 

“Not adult?” Steve spluttered. Utterly outraged at the implication “How dare you? Do you have any idea how much strategy and forward planni–” His voice abruptly went from outrage to confusion. “Wait My Little Pony? Why? Why are you even reading that?” 

“Because the world needs to know how ponies take showers and it’s literally on the list of what we have to research. Have you not even started yet?” Kera asked. 

“Erm–” He said haltingly and saw her eyes beginning to narrow. “It’s ponies. How hard can it be to find something to mock?” 

“For the record not very. But I seriously need to know how ponies shower.” Kera told him. “They don’t have thumbs. They don’t even have fingers or claws. Just hooves.” She continued holding her hands up in front of her clenched into fists pointing towards the ground to demonstrate what hooves were. Then pressed her knuckles against her hair in some extremely vague representation of showering. “I mean. How? We must know these things.”

“I somehow feel like ignorance is bliss here.” Steve said but started to press in the coordinates to the watch anyway. “But if it’s so important to you–.”

“It is.” Kera cut in. 

“Then we’ll go.” He continued as though she hadn’t spoken. “Megan!” He called through the doorway. “We’re just going to visit My Little Pony real quick.” 

“I’ll make grilled cheese for you two when you get back.” She called back. 

“I love that woman.” Kera said stepping closer to Steve, wrapping their arms around each other so they could shimmer out of their world and into the fiction. 

\--------

“What the fuck?” Steve asked. 

“Oh my god.” Kera said simultaneously

Steve looked down at his hands as the watch slipped off his wrist and landed on the floor with a resounding thud. He flexed his fingers and the midnight green claws in front of him also flexed. “What the fuck?” 

Kera looked down as well down along the gunmetal grey fur, obscured by her blonde mane towards her feat, then beat the ground with her hooves experimentally, kicking up dust all around them. “Oh my god.” 

Steve gracefully landed on the floor and only then managed to smack himself around the back of the head with his own wing. “Seriously. What the fuck?” 

“Oh my god. Steve I’m a pony.” Kera exclaimed and couldn’t decide if she should be mortified or excited. Stomping down her hooves again. “I don’t know how I feel about this.” 

“I’m a fucking dragon.” Steve said looking up at her. “A tiny fucking dragon.” 

“You do look extremely cute.” Kera smirked then backtracked when Steve blew smoke out of his nose. “In a very intimidating sort of way.” 

He grumbled and picked up the FicJumper™ in both of his tiny claws. Repurposing it as a belt for now. “This sucks. I don’t even get to be a pony in My Little Pony?” 

“Steve, you’re a dragon, that's way cooler.” Kera told him and kicked out a hind leg experimentally. “Wait. Did I get one of those weird mark things?” She asked jumping and turning on the spot to try and see her own hindquarters. 

As Kera turned Steve caught a glimpse of the mark instantly recognizing it as the symbol for AO3. The crimson red stood out against his dark grey coat. “Yeah you’ve got one.” 

“Is it that red thing?” She asked, jumping again but as she turned so did her hindquarters so it remained just out of her vision. “What does it look like?”

“It’s just a pair of crossed swords.” He informed her, unsure how well fanfiction as her super special talent would go down. 

Kera looked at him with a serious expression. “With blood right?” 

“Sure.” He answered nodding.

“Cool.” She declared satisfied. “Now stop staring at my butt.”

“Fine, geeze.” He said exasperated. 

“We’ve never changed like this before. Did you find a new setting or something?” 

“If by find you mean accidentally knocked. Then I guess?” He responded. “I’m just going to not change a thing and hope we change back when we go home.”

“What?” Kera asked. 

“Nothing.” Steve said in an innocent voice. “So. How do we find these showers?” 

“I have no idea, but we must!” Kera exclaimed. Leaving the technical side of this to Steve. If she didn’t worry too hard about it, it wasn’t a problem. At least not yet. “For science.”

Steve hiked his watch belt up his midsection and ran his claws over his silver spikes. “For science.” He agreed, stretching out his wings and hovering in the air close to Kera’s head and together they made their way further into the town. 

It seemed very quiet on the streets, they didn’t come across anyone until they stumbled on the market place. It was quite a surreal experience. Walking through an outdoor market that was coloured pastel and yet still somehow excessively clean. Then there was the fact that everyone around them was some kind of pony. Some with wings. Some with horns on their heads. A couple with both. It was disconcerting at best. 

“Yeah. It really can’t be hard to find anything to mock in this fandom.” Steve commented as a unicorn walked past them towards the apple stand. “The horn puns are so easy they aren’t even worth it.” 

“I can’t believe we found a pun that was too low even for you.” Kera said. 

“Newcomers!” They both heard an excited, high pitched voice screech and Kera turned towards it. Only to find a yellow pony, complete with a huge pink mane topped off with a bow, so incredibly close to her that Kera reared up a few paces. “We always like new faces around here.” She said following Kera as she backed up. 

Kera then blinked and the yellow pony was gone from her vision. Only to reappear right next to her flank. “Gha!” she cried, leaping to the side. 

“New faces are new friends. And everypony knows friendship is what fuels the magic.” The excited pony stated. With another blink from Kera the pony had zipped to her other flank leaning in. “How can we make you feel more at home?”

“Magic?” Steve asked close by. 

“If you don’t back up I swear to god I will trample your face.” Kera threatened. 

“Ahh we got a feisty one here.” The new pony giggled mock growling towards Kera. Then continued in a sing-song voice. “I think someone could use a naaaaaap.”

“Nope. Just a shower.” Kera grumbled stepping around the aggravating pony. 

“Shower? You can use my shower if you like.” She giggled. 

Kera looked across sharply. “You don’t even know my name and you’re just going to invite me into your house?” 

“That's a good point. What is your name?” The pony asked, leaning in. 

“Kera.” Kera answered slowly, trying to lean back and away from the intrusive head. 

A big intimidating grin spread across her horse features. “So that solves that problem. My house is this way.” 

“I still don’t know your name.” Kera said. 

“I’m Applebloom.” Applebloom said looking over her shoulder. “You coming?” 

“She’s kinda got you there.” Steve said a chuckle behind his words. “And you did want to see the showers.” 

“This place is weird, pastel and overly touchy and I don’t like it.” Kera snapped. 

Steve shrugged tentatively. “For science?” 

Kera sighed so hard her head drooped down. “You’re right. The people need to know. Lead the way Applebloom.” She said, well aware that the things she did for ‘The people’ and her own curiosity borded on idiotic. But this was a kids cartoon. She doubted this pony was going to horrendiouly murder her behind closed doors. 

“So what’s this magic system you talked about?” Steve asked flapping his little wings to catch up to the pony charging away to lead them to her home. 

“The magic of friendship.” She responded. “It’s what powers everything, the wind, the sky, the apples. All the things.”

“So it’s powerful?” Steve asked curiously. 

“It’s everything!” Applebloom exclaimed so loudly Steve flinched at the high pitched screech. “You should go to the library, you can learn so much there.”

“Where is that?” Steve questioned and looked over the building to a high tower on the hill in the distance when Applebloom pointed a hoof in that direction. He looked back over his shoulder at Kera's form hunched over angrily. “It’s not like I'm going to watch you shower. That would be weird.”

“Everything about this is weird.” Kera pointed out. 

“It was your idea!” He exclaimed. 

“Alright. Fine.” She said sarcastically. “Leave me with the overly friendly, slightly creepy, tiny, horse.”

“Thanks Kera.” He said ignoring the tone of her voice entirely. “You’re the best.” And without waiting for her to add anything further flapped his tiny wings and flew off in the direction of the tower. 

“Goddamn it, Steve!” Kera called after him but he made no move that he had even heard her. 

“Not to worry. You needed a shower anyway. We’re nearly there.” Applebloom said in her overly cheery voice that made Kera want to trample her face anyway. 

\-------

“And this is my house.” Applebloom declared trotting into the room. “The shower is this way.” 

Kera followed. Ready to use her hooves as deadly weapons should anything turn violent. “Okay.” She said slowly following Applebloom into the bathroom. Then frowned. “But that's just a shower curtain.” 

“Of course it is silly.” Applebloom said. “You can’t have a shower without a shower curtain.” She nudged Kera’s flank with her hoof and then reared back when Kera turned a glare towards her that could melt steel. “Okay. So. Enjoy.” Applebloom said quickly and zipped off so fast she left a puff of smoke behind her. 

Without pausing to think how strange it was for Applebloom to leave a perfect stranger alone in her home Kera turned back to the shower curtain. Frowning at it. She looked back down at her hooves, it’s not as if cartoon logic had magically made her grow horse fingers. Sure, yeah, the hooves moved more than they should have done but they were still pretty stiff. Curiosity got the better of her and she clipped towards the curtain, poking her head around it. It seems like a nice, clean, large, tiled walk in shower. But where the shower head would have been hung sat a net overfilled with hay. 

“What the F-” Kera said letting the word trail off and she stepped closer to the hay to inspect it. “How does-” 

That’s when she saw them. Half a dozen men stood around the large stall. Just at the edge of the shadows and were coming towards her. They contrasted harshly with the environment around them, realistically drawn in a monochrome style. 

Abject terror stilled Kera’s movements entirely. 

They all walked towards her in a smooth motion. The chains chinked against the tiles as they moved, fastened around their necks by a huge steel collar. The first two to reach her pressed hand sized brushes to her fur and main. Swiping down her flank and neck then swiping across the bruch with a double toothed scrape in their other hand. The noise alone made the back of Kera’s teeth ache.

Two more reached her midsection and stroked foot long flexible blade like things over her back, pulling at her undercoat and dislodging the loose fur they found. 

Another touched her hindquarters, sliding his fingers down her back leg, he found some kind of pressure point and she had no choice but to lift it so he could bring a sharp hook to her foot and started to scrape inside of her hoof. 

When the last man approached her face and held the bale of hay closer to her in offering she saw how vacant and dead their eyes were. How he would look around her, careful to try and pretend he wasn’t in the room as he served her.

In short. Kera was in Hell. 

She took a deep breath in. And then screamed. She didn’t even stop her long continuous scream as she kicked out her back legs. Planted them both firmly on the floor and then reared up her forelegs. Using the movement to turn herself on the spot and gallop out of the shower through the bathroom, across the hallway and straight out of the door back into the street. 

Her long drawn out scream drew the attention of some more ponies who managed to cut off her manic dash though the streets. All of them crowding around her as she was pulled to a stop to avoid colliding with any of them. 

“Oh, are you okay?” One asked, resting her muzzle against Kera’s neck. 

“There's nothing to be scared of.” Another said leaning her rump against Kera’s flank. 

Yet another was patting Kera’s side with a hoof. “Let us help.” 

Kera paused in her screaming and took another deep breath. “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!” She screamed and pushed herself into another gallop. Knocking two of the other ponies over in the process. 

“Urg, rude!” She heard one of them call behind her. But she didn’t pause. Don't look back. She just kept up her steady gallop. Setting her sights on the tower up the hill. 

It felt like it took forever to climb the hill, her muscles and lungs were aching as she slammed open the huge double doors and continued to run towards Steve who was next to an open book talking to another dragon. 

“We have to leave.” She declared, panting from the exertion. 

“But I was just learning all about the magic of friendship.” Steve whined

“I don’t care.” Kera said. “There has been so much inappropriate touching. This place is weird and gross and I'm done. We’re leaving. We are going back home where I can stare at my phone and ignore the rest of the human race as much as possible.”

“Now, you see. You’re talking my language.” Steve said. Twisting himself so he could punch in the coordinates back home on the watch face resting on his belly. He then paused. Looking over at the other dragon. “This is a library right?” He asked and rested his clawed hand against the book they had been stood over. “So can I borrow this?” 

“Sure.” Even the dragons were chipper here. “You have to return it though.” 

“Of course I will. I would never dream of not returning a library book. What sort of uneducated barbarian do you take me for?” Steve asked. 

“Well I guess that's okay then.” The other dragon said nodding happily. 

“Good.” Steve said in the most sinister voice he could muster. At least one of them had fun today. He flipped the book closed. 

Holding his new prize between his two claws and flew up to rest himself on Kera’s back. “Do you have to do that?” She asked him. 

“Can you think of a better way to do this while my arms are this small?” He asked her and she turned away from him in answer. “No. I thought not.” He said and pressed the button on the watch and they shimmered out of the world of ponies and back home. 

\----------

6 Months later 

Steve was gleeful in his excitement as he moved past Kera and Megan at the kitchen table, a box held in his hands. He rested it down on the table and went in search of a knife to open the package. 

“What you got there?" Kera asked. 

“Magic cards.” Steve declared. 

“Oh.” Kera said, immediately losing interest. 

“But not just any magic cards.” He continued hoping to peak her interest again. “Do you remember when we went to that place with horses?” 

“That day I've been trying to burn out of my memory every day since?” Kera asked with an extremely stiff smile. “Yes. Thank you so much for reminding me.” 

“You’re welcome.” Steve answered automatically. “Well when I borrowed that book I was able to harness the ‘magic of friendship.’” He said complete with air quotes. Which with a knife in his hands probably wasn’t the smartest thing he had ever done. “I managed to influence Wizards of the Coast so they made super powerful My Little Pony cards. And now that it’s printed and here and I have everything I ever needed to beat Chris and his stupid Hazezon Tamar deck every time.”

“Uh-huh.” Kera said, still not as invested in this information as Steve would have liked. 

Undeterred he proceeded to cut the tape holding the package closed and rip the box in two in his eagerness to get to the sweet smelling MTG cardboard. “Yes aren’t you pretty and–” he paused and looked closer. “What’s with this silver border bullshit?!”


End file.
